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April 2024
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Sometimes, ‘A’ Is for Dog!1/7/2022 I want to step past my fears and re-enter Julie’s world, the world of special education marvels and the stories behind the stories. Like Julie, we must come to accept Tina as a human being of vibrant potential; we do not define her by her disability. And we do not define her by our expectations. In the eighth month of the sixth grade, Tina demonstrated vocabulary recognition equivalent to that of a child in the fourth month of the third grade…. Perhaps Tina was sick that day, her stomach cramping and her attention lagging. Or, possibly, someone had stolen her dog that day, and vocabulary recognition was not her main concern. Is Tina’s first language English, or perhaps a dialect of English that differs in content and patterns from the standardized test? The tests indicate a pattern of need, but is this pattern Tina?
The Christmas season draws to a close. Shall I write about the loneliness of the season, the bewilderment as we sink in flames in the most horrific wave of the pandemic to date, or the fears and struggles of family illness and surgeries? No. I want to step past my fears and re-enter Julie’s world, the world of special education marvels and the stories behind the stories. Like Julie, we must come to accept Tina as a human being of vibrant potential; we do not define her by her disability. And we do not define her by our expectations. A parent once exclaimed to me in tones of despair: “My kid is special ed.” I could only answer: “No, your child is Mary. And yes, she is special, because all children are special. True, she is having problems with the work we give her. Special ed is simply better work, meaningful work, something WE do to teach Mary the way she is meant to be taught.” Over the years, children have taught me these key points:
Seemingly innocent remarks can break hearts. I sat with a twelve-year-old student, coaching him with his ESL lesson on the five senses. “What do you do with your eyes? You see. What so you do with your ears? You hear!” He seemed to be getting it, when he suddenly burst into tears and could not be comforted. My apologies and bewilderment made no difference, and the boy departed for lunch, leaving me baffled and worried. Halfway through my lunchbreak, the light burst over me. “What do you do with your nose? You smell!” Student face crumpled. “Yes, you smell,” I nodded. I believe that tears are justified when a person in authority tells you repeatedly that you smell. Why didn’t I say, “What do you use your nose for? You use your nose to smell. You use your nose to smell wood smoke, to smell partridge cooking….” We need to plan. And we need to accept that it is our phrasing that smells sometimes. A sound in one ear can be two sounds in another. My grade six student wrote about his trip to the Big Rabbits in his journal. He sounded it out carefully. In his language, there is no /b/, no /p/ There is < and that is both. A b-p that is neither b or p exactly. Hold your palm before your face. Make the /b/; feel the puff of air on your fingers. Make the /p/ and feel it press to your palm. Make < and it falls between. Try ‘/t/ and /d/. His sound lies between. His eyes widened when he learned that in English, there were two sounds to watch for. Once he knew, he could apply his knowledge. There was no spelling problem; from his language base, rabbits and rapids had sounded the same. Beware Grade 8’s providing second language lessons. When the eyes dance as students teach new vocabulary, it is best to refer to a second source. My first English class offered to teach me their language; if I told them to sit down, loudly and clearly, they assured me that they would immediately sit down. Well, they were in one sense right; the term they provided is usually produced in a sitting position. I hope that at least one of them is reading this! They might not remember, but they opened my mind in so many ways and I am forever grateful. Thus, years later, when teaching phonics to a group of happy ten-year-olds, I could enjoy their laughter. “This sound is ‘meu’,” I explained. “For this one, you say ‘meu’, not MOO.” As the sound left my lips, I knew what I had done. They tilted back their heads and howled with laughter, molars shining in the recesses of their mouths. This translates, in their language, to the word that does not mean ‘sit down’ in another. A corollary lesson comes also from my first year. “How was your first morning?” I asked the new teacher. “Great!” she replied. “But there seem to be so many students named Atsuk. I wonder what it means?” Literally, it means “I don’t know”, but it can mean much more: Forgive me, for I am shy and I am not ready to tell you my name yet. I am not sure what to say, what to do. Please be patient with me. When they are ready, when they are safe with you, they will teach you many things. A is for dog, and B is for cat. I am so proud of my Grade 1 phonics group. We are matching beginning sounds with words and they are doing it well! Now we are on a felt board app, sliding objects into position beside letters. “We are looking for /a/ things, like /a/ for…. Apple…. alligator…. no, no! That is /d/ dog. Let’s find /a/ apple!” The little face scowls, and the tiny fingers shove the dog onto the /a/ line. I sigh and turn to another student. Goodness! They seem to be phonetically challenged!! This one is pushing the cat into position beside the /b/. “That is /c/ cat. It goes here.” “Nope,” he declares. “This is /b-p/ b-pisu!” Light surges across my mind. This is the word for cat in his language, and this…… this is not /d/ dog – this is /a/ animoosh! My nickname was Animoosh, for obvious reasons. (I only had two dogs, but many other dogs followed me.) Why did I not make the connection? It took a six-year-old boy (his dad and my son went to school together years back, point of interest) to remind me that phonics is not restricted to English! Their language has a phonetic base, and they were going to use it! So, enter the learning moment. Embrace the wonder that awaits when we honestly recognize the reality of children. Oh! I miss the wonder. As soon as I get medical clearance, I am going to strap on my mask, sanitize my hands, gird up my loins, and go back to learning!
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Musko’s Guide to Humans11/24/2021
I read this morning a series of recommendations for interacting with dogs. We were advised not to wrap our arms around dogs, enfold them in blankets and sweaters and hats, stare into their eyes, or pat them on top of the head. Sometimes, our well-intentioned behaviours can foster anxiety and even aggression. As I, too, find those things annoying, I fully agree. Although I confess that I talk to my dogs and generate responses in voices I have designated for each, I am not comfortable with treating children or dogs as cute and adorable playthings. The Husky is a wise and noble confidante and companion; she is not a sweetie or a fur-baby. The Shay is a joyful and exuberant being, rich in affection; I would never dress her in a clown hat to celebrate that fact. My girls are friendly, but please do not insist that your friendly dog push its face in theirs. They will demonstrate hostility toward your friendly dog, with expressions that might disturb the sensitive. Please listen and let me finish as I advise you, “Don’t put your face down to her –”. Please do not interrupt and say, “Awww, I’m used to dogs,” and then turn to me with accusing and streaming eyes as I finish, “because, as I was trying to say, the Husky loves to bump noses.” Please do not swing your palm down to pat the Shay on top of the head; she will click her teeth to advise you that she dislikes that. If she banged a paw on top of your head, perhaps you would not like it either. They are my canine companions, the keepers of my secrets. The Husky lies behind me, watching as I write. The Shay studies the front window, and at precisely 4:30 pm local time, she will come up and tug my sleeve, because it is walk time. They are editorial staff and recreational staff. They scan the sky and take note of all birds, drifting leaves, jets, and moving clouds, and at night, they study the moon. They are vigilant. Like Musko, they understand human nature. They have made many of their conclusions based on experience. If they and Musko joined forces to write an advice column, I am sure that it would include these, among others:
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Once upon a time, I lived on a shallow, rocky lake, in a cabin accessed only by canoe. I saw beautiful sunrises, and decided to write a book about those. Sunrises do not typically fill a novel, but I did grow up in a rambling old farmhouse. I would write about a woman who lived in a haunted farmhouse! It turned out to be the story of two women, both haunted, both with a sentimental relationship with an old farm, both struggling to find their way in the world. I did not have electricity or Internet, so I wrote by hand. It was like writing in water colour and I would sit absorbed for hours while the brush grew and dog hair wove into the carpet. The loons would call, and I would surface for an evening paddle. My life was rich. I must not think that. Lately, my happy Shay dog has started growling low in her throat, staring at the woods across the road. The Husky utters soft moans and paces the deck. This is new behaviour. I wish I had not looked down the logging road as a dark shape skulked across. I hope it is a bear, but my dogs know bears. It moved like a cougar, but we are not supposed to have cougars. (That was explained to me when I saw one ten years ago.) Of course, William Butler Yeats’ The Second Coming keeps replaying in my mind: And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born? I should not have taken English 101. Put a few cameras up, people suggest. Get a motion sensor installed. String up an electric fence. And stay in the house! Those are great ideas, but presuppose technological skills, cash flow, and a desire to confront my fears on video. I prefer to wallow in low tech comfort, clutching my father’s axe as I do my usual perimeter checks in the fresh air. Perhaps I could write this creature into The Ice Widow, but should not joke, just in case….. Now that I live on the road, technology can help me in many ways. I also need a leaf blower; I could suction up acres of leaves, grind them to shreds, and deposit them on the garden. I would also need ear protection. The job would soon be done, and I could concentrate on the important things. Ah, but the morning I spent with my once-again-splinted rake, among the crinkling oak leaves, was meditative peace. That is an important thing. I must have a generator. I studied these, and know that I would short circuit out the western hemisphere if I attempted to use one. Looks like I will be using candles for the pipes, and my battered fire pit for cooking again this winter….. In an earlier blog, Self-Publishing Unfiltered, I described the challenges of self-publishing during a pandemic with limited internet access. Our region has now acquired Fibre Optic Internet. I am afraid to call it Fibe, because I believe that the Deity should always be invoked by the proper title. I can upload a blog with pictures easily now, from the comfort of home! I can research reviewers. I can email them, too. However, the excitement is gone, and after a quick check to all social media accounts – commenting and posting in minutes instead of watching a little spinner turn and turn and then declare “You have no Internet” or “Something is wrong here” – I sink into writing and try to recall the Wasaya mood that made writing a joy, and not a marketing struggle. I want to have technology available, but I often do not use it. Sometimes I want a microwave or a television or an automatic washer, but I take a walk until the feeling passes. I love having fibre optic, and play with it daily. I can accomplish my tasks quickly. Then I walk away. Perhaps there is a place for the mysterious beast in the next novel. After all, readers do grow weary of poignant introspection. I know whatever-it-is has raised my personal heart rate. I am sure it will make the protagonists' winter of confinement more exciting for them and the reader. I must remember to write in her father’s axe.
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A Long-awaited Homecoming10/19/2021 "We build a little box and there we place the marvelous limitless author of the universe.... But really, there is no god in that box...." We sat in a meeting that day, and you said that the word “God” hurt you, raising memories of the residential schools and all they did in the name of God.
You may not have attended the residential school, but you carry the burden. I may not have perpetrated the residential school system, but I carry the shame. Your words have echoed in my mind, and these words have been growing inside me until this day, when they spill out onto my computer screen. Will this bring you healing? No. Nevertheless, these words must come out, for my sake. Your pain disturbs me, and so it should. But it must also move me to action, or I have failed. The bodies of the lost children are surfacing. We are indignant on your behalf. We don orange, attend Gatherings, and write inspiring posts on social media to prove our commitment. Later, we will return to our cocoons, still righteous, still indignant, but a little weary of it all. We will click “like” and “caring” on your posts, but we will move on. We will seek the next social trauma and focus our energy on that for a while. The word “God” beats against your senses. That is our shame. We read the Gospels – the euangellion, the good news. We are thrilled by the teachings of this itinerant preacher/carpenter, and we claim them as our own. We build rituals and institutions to administer the teachings. We build a little box and there we place the marvelous limitless author of the universe. We summon this being to do our bidding, invoking him with formula and chant. We demand that he bless our actions, and we claim his voice. Poor god locked in a box. But really, there is no god in that box. He does not rise up to our whim, blessing our desires and changing the world to suit us. No, the True One sweeps open our hearts, causing us to fall to our knees before the wonders of creation. This is the One who moves us to rejoice. I like to think of this One as author, for he weaves our stories together, our stories spinning out like dreams. He never forces the ending. He respects his own laws. So, where was this One while your children were in agony? He was there beside them, and he felt every nail, every thorn piercing his own heart as yours is pierced this day still, and he remains in agony beside you until the end. Jesus gathered the little children close and blessed them. Yes, I am sure he felt their innocence and trust, but remember in Jesus’ time, children were a marginalized people, and he reached out and embraced all marginalized people. Jesus had a knack for celebrating and embracing others and somehow we have lost that. He did not strive to change people – he usually just asked them to follow him. I have seen the children following the dancers, mimicking and learning as they go. Thus we should follow him. I think Jesus would have been delighted if he could have attended a Gathering. He would have smiled there. The hollow box saddens me. Why did we force you to accept it? Why would we want it in the first place? The prophet Zephaniah seems to know your story. At that time I will deal with all who oppressed you. I will rescue the lame; I will gather the exiles. I will give them praise and honor in every land where they have suffered shame. The lost children of the residential schools were exiled; they suffered shame. And now they are being borne home, given honour and praise. Is this the Kairos, the appointed time foretold? And those of us who knelt and grappled and twisted the life-affirming words of Jesus into a sterile box with splinters are not after all the ones who will be uplifted? For as we uplift, so shall we be uplifted. Is this the Kairos and now you come forward from your exile, where you were driven to the margins of the land, of the streets, and of the heart? Is this your time? Will the word “God” become glorious on your tongue? When the word is pronounced, will it call into the moment all the Great Titles, especially the ultimate title by which you call him, Creator? When we hear the word “God”, will we recognize each other as children of the Earth? Will we embrace the welcome that you have offered again and again and it will be so? Is this, the early days of Truth and Reconciliation, your Kairos, and shall we dance with joy for you? We have been present at your crucifixion, but if the Author of the Universe weaves us into your story, perhaps we shall celebrate with you in your resurrection.
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Unwrapping the Resurrection10/8/2021 As a species, we love to predict and plan. We love to dream a future in which our lives will be rich and whole. We are troubled by our mortality, and yearn to describe what lies beyond our death. Invariably, we will be happy and we will be in charge. One of the joys of being a Euro-Canadian child in the 1950’s was inspecting the presents under the Christmas tree each December. We had many relatives, and therefore the presents extended over the floor. Mysterious objects were lifted, flexed, and shaken. We poked and prodded and predicted; this one might be an artist’s sketch pad, or a treasure map, or a beautiful painting of a wild horse galloping over the prairies – not the school notebooks that it probably contained.
As a species, we love to predict and plan. We love to dream a future in which our lives will be rich and whole. We are troubled by our mortality, and yearn to describe what lies beyond our death. Invariably, we will be happy and we will be in charge. Those who disagree with us will probably not fare so well. This is by no means a new attitude. In the upheavals of the Middle Ages, there were many movements pointing to a future in which the good (us) would be vindicated, and the evil (all those who disagreed with us) would come to ruin. Norman Cohn covers such movements in The Pursuit of the Millennium. In our own time of upheaval, we would do well to reflect. Many of us look forward to a Resurrection of the Dead, but none of us knows what is inside that package. Is it at the end of time? Is it a change experienced in the heart right now? Is it both? Is it just a dream? What did it mean to the followers of Jesus: Was it a physical event that affirmed their faith or was it, as Rudolf Bultmann suggested, a spiritual realization of the meaning of his ministry and death? We flex that package and try to guess what it contains. When my son went missing on the north Labrador coast a few years ago, a friend told me not to worry, that my mother was in heaven watching over him. My first thought was “You mean this doesn’t end? When I die, I will sit perched on the edge of heaven, viewing my descendants plunging into danger, forever and ever? And everyone will expect me to pull off a miracle?” If my mother had been watching over my son, then she first should have kept his Satellite phone dry, because he was fine but his phone was not. I was relieved to read that, biblically anyway, one typically rests with one’s ancestors in death, like King David . One does not watch grandchildren battling the waves and then try to control the storm for them. One does not spend eternity in a grand family reunion – I have enough trouble handling an afternoon at such events. I would rather spend eternity nurturing the crops, tending the livestock, and canoeing the shorelines. Especially shorelines like Rachel’s Wasaya Cove. I fashion an eternity that is pleasing to me. For the Indigenous peoples, the spirit vibrates in the universe, and all creation is connected. They knew these things before they were written down. They lived these things and knew them in their hearts. I read Genesis, and I learn how the Ruach (the Breath, the Spirit) moved over the waters, how it called forth all creation, how it breathed life into the first beings. There is raw creative power in those moments, but moved as we are, we try to force them into a box. We set boundaries; we develop residential school systems. I like to think that my body will return to the earth, and the breath (that is, spirit) that moved in me in this life will return to that same marvellous breath that moves through the universe, that breathes life into the universe. I cannot say how it will unfold, but the Author of the Universe is both infinite and intimate. Whatever unfolds, it will be right. I fashion an eternity that is pleasing to me. When I rip open the package on Christmas morning, it might be school notebooks. However, I can solve math problems in those notebooks, or jot notes for a remarkable novel. I will take whatever Resurrection I get. ***** Next time, I want to focus on Zephaniah, who reminds us that the Author of the Universe will deal with the oppressors, and give praise and honour to those who have suffered shame. As we look forward to growing together in Truth and Reconciliation, dare we hope that the day of uplifting has begun, for those who have been crucified?
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Theophany in Our Time9/20/2021 But there, in the shadowed corridors of the emergency wards, God is present. There, in the fragile moments of our existence, in the seconds between the moments, God comes to us. These are holy moments. They lack elemental power, but they are powerful, just the same. We crave certainty. We long for affirmation. We want to know that we are heading in the right direction.
In Matthew’s story of the Transfiguration (Matthew 17: 1-9), three disciples find their beliefs affirmed, and it is a magnificent and terrifying moment. It begins as a simple journey; Peter, James, and John accompany Jesus into the mountains. Suddenly, though, it becomes much more: dazzling light surrounds Jesus, and Moses and Elijah step out of history and chat with him. Peter begins to ramble about pitching tents; this is simple hospitality, perhaps, but I think that mainly he is trying to cover his anxiety: Are we experiencing a vision, or are we going mad? How do we respond to this moment? Let us pretend we were expecting this. When a voice blasts out of the cloud, their response is quite natural: they drop to the ground in pure terror. No one is comfortable with a true theophany, or manifestation of the divine. We would like that level of assurance in our day to day lives. We are sick of masks. We are terrified of vaccines. Our fragile rights hang in the balance and we cling to our resilience with both hands. Wars erupt, flames explode, hurricanes rip through our settlements with unprecedented violence, and now solar storms loom on the horizon. We are angry. We should not have to face such troubled times. We deserve better. God has abandoned us, so we are justified in abandoning God. We are free to be ourselves. Recent experiences with emergency wards have taught me, however, that God is present in the darkness. God comes not with hymns or collars or books. The voice of God does not boom from the heavens. God comes in ways that evoke stables and straw. For seven hours one night, I received a vision of the blessed mother, not in blue in a grotto with light and rosaries. She was a true Madonna, my Madonna of the shadowed corridors, my Madonna in capris and t-shirt, my Madonna of the twisted braids. She paced the corridor, rocking her toddler, eyes on the child’s face. For seven hours, she was alone. In former times, the nurses could see her sooner, but in these times, there are so many they must see. The Madonna knows this. In former times, someone could walk over and stretch out their arms, giving her a moment’s break. In these times, which are CoVid times, my Madonna stood alone. But then, the Madonna always stands alone. In the haze of that night, as my anxiety rose, she paced, swaying, face close to her child’s. And peace washed over me. I walked the hallway that night. There were stretchers in the shadows. A hoarse voice whispered in thirst. A hand emerged, offering ice chips; the voice was gentle. So this is what the cold cup of water in his name means. Someone will be there in the shadows, when the thirst is overwhelming. And in another emergency ward, hundreds of miles away, a surgeon winds his way through the corridors. His long shift is over, and he longs to be with his family, but first he seeks out a young man, bewildered and in severe pain, so many miles from his northern home. The surgeon is gentle and welcoming; he explains things well and the young man relaxes. And hundreds of miles away, I give thanks for this angel that visited my son, and brought him comfort and hope. We are weary of masks. We are terrified and we lash out. But there, in the shadowed corridors of the emergency wards, God is present. There, in the fragile moments of our existence, in the seconds between the moments, God comes to us. These are holy moments. They lack elemental power, but they are powerful, just the same. These are the moments of balance that show us that light in darkness is possible after all.
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Clear Cut Teachings8/18/2021 Here, in the clear-cut, in this torn and devastated land, I find these berries, shining and fresh with the morning. This is a precious gift to receive – the affirmation that nature can renew, even this little bit. This section of the Park is stark and lonely, a glimpse of post-apocalyptic Kejimkujik. The rain falls harder. Once, canoes pulled to the shore, as the People made their way from the interior down to the sea. They journeyed back and forth, back and forth, and there was meaning and reason in each movement, and the hemlocks, the dead and the living, were not lonely.
Committees are formed and protests are held; these are good things that raise awareness. Still the temperatures soar, fires rage, and there are earthquakes in divers places. Viruses outmaneuver vaccination efforts. Wars worsen and acts of terror horrify. The hollow eyes of starving children stare into the camera. Our world has become a scene from a fantasy novel or dystopian tale and, for some, a prophetic fulfilment. Creation is set in motion according to natural laws. We study these laws and look for ways to improve them. We have done great things, but at great cost. The Creator does not reverse our failures; this would reduce the splendid laws of the universe to whim and fancy. We have done this to ourselves, and must take responsibility. I walk the clear-cut, and I weep for Mother Earth. Yet there, amid the scrub, clusters of blackberries gleam. Here, in the clear-cut, in this torn and devastated land, I find these berries, shining and fresh with the morning. This is a precious gift to receive – the affirmation that nature can renew, even this little bit. Look here, a voice whispers, for here is light in darkness, hope in despair. This is a miracle, and what is a miracle but a science that you do not know? Walk with reverence here, for I am making all things new. Remember that you belong to the earth, that the earth does not belong to you. Learn from the earth, but do not presume to teach it. The earth will renew itself, if you let it happen.
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Real Directions Tell a Story8/11/2021 Good directions are supposed to inform us. Good directions are rich in history. Maritime directions are like that. Thank God her brother had some Thanksgiving spirit and common sense and said she was teaching out near “The Park.” And thank God for the friendly staff at the gas bar who gave him good directions to this godforsaken lump of a house. They said his dog would love the fields but not to let him chase deer. Apparently, they came out where a barn or something used to be.
Doug Simmons in A Canoer of Shorelines is used to functional directions, the kind that he would get today on a search engine. Turns, exits, distances – all are rendered without emotion, without the background detail that makes them real for some of us. When I was driving the back roads to Val d’or, Quebec, and the cheery computer voice announced “Turn left at the fork in the road”, I began to seek that fork. Suddenly the voice exclaimed, “Take the left fork now!” There was a compelling urgency in the voice, and I slowed down, my eyes sweeping the trackless forest to my left. I could see occasional gaps between the trees; perhaps there was once a logging road out there. The Voice was still trapped in that era, and insisted that I drive out into the trees. When I did not, there was an abrupt blip, and my screen went grey. The Voice does not manage rejection well. Ten kilometres later, the voice had forgiven me, and announced, “Continue for twenty-seven kilometres.” Perhaps computer voices cannot convey sullenness, but this one came close. I glanced back, and sure enough, there were gaps along the swamp. Once, there was a road. I am a Maritimer, and we don’t manage functional directions well. We want the story! I wanted that computer voice to tell me the entire story; perhaps it could say, “Now we always turned left about here; you can see traces of the road if you look. There was a well-kept logging road, and it was our favourite shortcut. Then times got hard, and the trucks stopped running. They weren’t going to maintain it – it was along the swamp after all – so we keep to the main road now. Too bad about that.” Or maybe, “When [Name] won the lottery, they built a beautiful lodge back there and people came from miles around. They got old though, and their kids didn’t want a lodge, and it’s all grown in now. Kind of a shame.” Good directions are supposed to inform us. Good directions are rich in history. Maritime directions are like that. Most of us, when we go to town, confuse Aberdeen and Dufferin unless we are on them. The Call Centre is on Dufferin (I think), but good directions would begin “You know where the old hospital used to be? Yes, handy the fair grounds. Just down the hill….” I once witnessed a clerk in town providing functional directions to the central post office. “You go down Victoria Road, cross the bridge and up Aberdeen, then turn left on the number 10….” The listener’s eyes began to glaze. I leaned forward. “Just past Frenchy’s, on your left, if you’re heading for Walmart.” The person was a Maritimer; we have an inner tracking device that will guide us to the nearest Frenchy’s. But rural directions give the best history. The more rural the place, the richer the history. If you stand at the grocery store and ask directions to the hardware store, you might learn that: The hardware store was always where the pharmacy is, right on the corner. They kept their supplies where the new place is. Of course, in those days the pharmacy was where the restaurant is today. They have good specials. The pharmacist always closed from twelve to one, but the new place is open. They have good gifts in there. Yes, the hardware store. You hold to the left at the corner, right where the pharmacy is, and you go past Duke’s barbershop. Of course, the barbershop is long closed – used to have a bowling alley there, and after it became a pizza shop. It’s all boarded up but it says “Pizza” and she made good ones, I must say. Now on your left a ways down, you’ll see our new medical centre, where the liquor store used to be but not exactly. The hardware store is just below, on your right, behind where the train station was. Yes, and the Mersey barns and all…” You learn local history, and get a taste of what makes a place special, what makes it home to so many. You will never get that from “Stay on Route 8 South for about one kilometre. It’s on the right, and it has a sign on the road.” Learning directions as a Maritimer has prepared me for interactions with other cultures. “Where does this parent live?” I asked a teaching colleague in one community, indicating a name on my list. “Oh! That’s easy!” she exclaimed. (I was sure it was not.) “You know where my new house is?” “Not really.” “Well, they’ve got the frame up now, over there.” She waved across the parking lot toward the lake. “It’s the orange one, right beside it. The one that’s brown but not blue.” Being a Maritimer, I knew all would be revealed at the right time. Sure enough, as I wandered along, I saw the frame of a house rising beside the road. Close beside it were two bungalows; one was orange with brown panelling, and the other was blue with brown panelling. It was easy to pick the orange house that was brown, not to be confused with the blue one that was brown. Good directions don’t always make sense at first, but they will if you trust them. Some might think there is a hunt of mockery here. I assure you, there is not. These are my people, my language, and my history. This is my home. This is how we are. Doug, once again you have missed out. I must go find an Internet connection and post this. You know that ledge where the snowplough turns? Okay! You go past that, past the old farm on the river. They haven’t hayed there in years. Once though, it was a farm and the foundations are still there. You can’t see the river because it’s down behind the hill. Well, pass that road and at the top of the hill on your right there is a ridge. Some days you get a signal there.
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Who are the Neighbours?8/4/2021 For many of us fifties children, worrying over the viewpoint of others is natural. We were raised on the fundamental question of life: What will the neighbours say? This was sometimes restated: What on earth must people be thinking? Resentment, not gratitude, is rising in Julie, and for this she is sorry. However, she was mowing happily, the night far away from the sunny morning, and now it is over and Laila, not Julie, has saved the day and possibly the farm. Soon, every house will buzz with the knowledge that the new tenant has set the prized mower on fire. Heads will shake as hands reach for the phone. This one is surely worse than those bootleggers—remember them? Soon, Samuel will know that he has a very bad tenant, and will be studying the lease for clauses relating to termination of agreement.
For many of us fifties children, worrying over the viewpoint of others is natural. We were raised on the fundamental question of life: What will the neighbours say? This was sometimes restated: What on earth must people be thinking? How many times did we huddle at the scene of our latest crime, shoulders drooping, while a parent stared us down, a fist pressed to one hip, the other hand pointing to the horror we had been perpetrating, while demanding: What will the neighbours say? Not: Do you seriously believe those paper bags and scotch tape would make an air balloon capable of flying your sister across the first field? From the top of the barn? The social perception, not the science, was challenged. Did they assume that we understood the science, but hadn’t stopped to consider the long-reaching social implications? So you are five, and decide that sitting on the sheep pen fence with one leg dangling into the pen is a safe and happy practice. As you cling to the fence post screaming and the ram (this referring to the usually volatile male sheep of the herd, with the well-chosen name “Dynamite”) pounds your leg into the boards, a conversation develops. Mother (from porch): What’s all the yelling? Child (from fence): My leg! My leg! Dynamite’s got my leg!!! Mother: Well, that will teach you to play on the sheep pen. Now get off. Child: My leg! My leg! Dynamite’s got my leg!!! Mother: Get off the fence then. Before you tear your clothes. Child (descending from the fence, snivelling): My leg’s all black and blue. Mother (checking a small bruising below the knee): What were you thinking? My god, what will the neighbours say? Yet she hugs the child long and hard, rocking back and forth. Somehow, we knew that behind the gruff exterior beat a heart that was terrified – a heart that cringed at every bruise, a heart that wanted to boot the ram across the sheep pen and did not dare betray its weakness. The neighbours were the personification of their own self-judgment. So, like good children, we followed the rules and lived secret lives. No, we did not to go swimming below the bridge because there was a soft bottom there. Instead, we built rafts using splintery old boards, made buoyant by empty sixties-issued bleach jugs, the ones that would deflect bullets. We climbed over sharp tin cans in the dump to find these. We bobbed, swayed, and tumbled, but we did not swim below the bridge. When I was afraid of the dark, a plaster guardian angel was placed by my bed and I prayed dutifully to it for protection. Then I loaded my cap gun and slipped it under my pillow. When the night creatures surrounded me, I clutched the stock of my trusty six shooter and knew I was safe. I declared the prayer, but not the gun. We raced along the beams in the hay loft, and sprang from bale to bale. We reported the truth; we were playing in the hay, and we saw the pigeons! Somehow we survived a riotous game involving shoving one another off the hay wagon, without broken limbs or damage to the spine or brain. We were playing on the wagon! I have no idea what the neighbours would have said, because we shielded our secret lives from parents, neighbours, and anyone else. That is why I raised my own child with particular care. I knew what he was capable of. Yet I have walked through a grove of trees to applaud the booby traps my son and his cousin had placed. I recall my amazement as a great log went whizzing past my head, released by a trip wire. It was a feat worthy of physicists. They were ten. And like ten year olds they were both proud of their achievement and horrified by the language with which I pointed out the inherent dangers of their cleverness. Oh! What would the neighbours have said if they could have heard me! The trick, Julie, is not to let the neighbours rule you. Parents used the neighbours only allegorically. What will the neighbours say? translates I have failed to keep you safe, and you are the world to me. The neighbours are not lurking in the shadows, judging. You are judging them with your eyes, and judging yourself through their eyes. Embrace the love and the fear behind the question of the past, and get on with your adult life. That is all the time I have. I have to find an Internet signal, and get this jumbled reflection posted. What will the neighbours say if I am late?
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The World According to Musko7/28/2021 Musko had a home, and his home was the Reserve. He chose, however, to go with Julie. He was a watcher and a mentor, a being who appreciated the present and all it had to offer.
“All the same,” Laila sighs. “All the same.” She brightens. “That Musko’s no fool. He’ll see it right.” That is why dogs come to us.
Julie’s head snaps up. The dreams come to her waking now. Soon she will be living in them, everywhere. She walks to the kitchen on rubbery legs, the floor rising and pitching beneath her feet. Musko whuffs at the door. Let’s walk, please. Let’s walk to the brook and wallow in the shady pool above the bridge. There are frogs to hunt and rich smells. Please, let’s go. Then we will stretch out in front of the fridge, and simply be. We will dream of frogs and rabbits and good things.
Musko is the great black dog that chooses Julie. She does not adopt him, and he is not a rescue dog. He had a good life, roaming free on the Reserve, a good and friendly dog, liked by all. I have had people ask me, when I go north on a contract, to bring them back a dog. They even describe the type they want, like the community was perhaps a pet shop and I would browse the aisles, seeking their dog. Some dogs are looking for a home, but some are happy just the way they are. It is important to learn the difference. Musko had a home, and his home was the Reserve. He chose, however, to go with Julie. He was a watcher and a mentor, a being who appreciated the present and all it had to offer. I believe Julie needed him to find her way through her dream life, and his presence was a gift. As the world darkens around us, as we strive to suck each moment dry of all opportunity, we need the guidance of dogs. The other day as the heat pulsed around me, as CoVid numbers rose and fires scorched the earth, I came upon my husky, napping in front of the fan, four paws splayed to the breeze, eyes closed, husky smile playing about her mouth. “Today we have a fan,” she explained. “Let’s enjoy it, shall we?” How did this special bond with humans come to be? I believe that Musko might tell it like this: The Creator looked over all that he had made, and his heart broke. For there was strife and violence over the earth, and the hearts of humans had turned to darkness. Rage, selfishness, and despair were everywhere. Many were seduced by the power of evil, and many brought low. And then he saw his crowning achievement, the joy of his creation, Dog. And the Creator wept, for Dog was in chains, his eyes dulled, his spirit broken. How could this be? How could all the beauty and balance of the First Time come down and down to this? So he gathered Dog and all his companions, and reached deep into their hearts. Some were too broken, and these he kept with him, to be healed in the fresh forests of another world, to be renewed that they might one day return. To the others, he gave a blessing and said, “I give you the strength to endure. I send you to seek out the broken among the humans, and lead them to find their hearts. You will listen, and you will lead. I send you, Dog, and your followers, to teach my people to be better human beings. You have patience, forgiveness, hope, and presence – the gifts of creation that they have forgotten. “Your task will be hard, sometimes dangerous. But only you can accomplish this. “Comfort, O comfort my people.” That is why dogs come to you. Perhaps I am fanciful, but then again, it feels good to relax in front of the fan, cool air pulsing against the soles of my feet. I relax and draw down deep into my being. And there I know, that if I can live with patience, forgiveness, hope, and presence, I can change a tiny bit of the world. And that is a start. Thank you, Musko. |